Decisions

the pounding in my head
ringing so loudly
in time with the war drums
i cannot move

i am still on the fence
will i waiver or stand up
i don’t yet know
but you are on my mind

i don’t want to disappoint you
yet i feel the need
to answer this call
to just give in

it would be so much easier
to take you out of the equation
getting what i want
for right now

in the moment i almost succumb
i close my eyes
nearly intending to follow through
on the exhale

as my vision goes dark
i see you watching me
waiting to see what i will do
i see hope in your eyes

i hear the wanting call my name
even as you stare at me
you look captivated
and i wonder how i could need anything more

still i hear the relentless cries
i feel the need gripping me
but you still stare at me
perfectly peaceful

as i look to you for an answer
you smile at me
and you hold out your hand
i know that i could never walk away

i consider it insanity
that i could ever dream of needing
more than you would give to me
or seek fulfillment elsewhere

i know now that the cries i heard
were lies whispered in my ear
you heard them too
but you let me choose

you constantly show me
what love looks like
in the way you give to me
choices, mercy, grace, and love

you have won my heart
i know that i am yours
i see the relief on your face
that i have chosen you once again

you never faltered
you have always chosen me
i don’t deserve you
yet you are mine

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My Beloved is Mine

I’ve been on a bender
My thoughts of you in hiding
Not feeling, just moving
Placated by the world around me
Numb, so numb

I inhale in silence
My lungs are filled
I hear the ticking of the clock
It’s so loud in my ears
I want the sound to stop

I exhale in anger
Frustration sweeps over me
All I want is to hear your voice
I know you’re there
I know you’re watching

The daily distractions fight for my attention
I succumb all too often
Absorbed by falsehoods and fairy tales
Made up to make me smile
And keep me occupied

The perfect design
Forged by an enemy
Who would go to any length necessary
To keep me away from you
I suppose sometimes he wins

The ticking clock is a reminder
Time is running out
One day, soon maybe
It will stop completely
Time will stand still, or end

The thought is jarring
My mind races to make sense of consequence
I am all to aware
I have become a zombie
Like all the others

I blend in
I should stand out
You made me to be different
You told me so
This is not what you want for me

The panic seeps in
This startling realization
Of what it means to be without you
The concept immediately hurts
And my soul is grieved

I cry out your name
Begging you to pick me up again
Needing your arms around me
Holding me, rescuing me
I weep

I know that I am complete need
Desire for you burns me inside
I crave your attention desperately
Only you can quench the thirst
This is how you want me

I know you are pleased at this
Still I want more of you
I want to know you
The number of hairs on your head
The way you smell

I hunger to know your every detail
Still I think I ask too much
Though you answer my cries
I am overwhelmed at how my need only grows
With every encounter

My heart echoes your promises
Reminders of your love for me
I close my eyes and see
You are before me, arms open
Calling me to yourself

I come to you
Your embrace is home
Never have I felt more alive
You have waited for this moment
I am completely sated

I realize as I am held
You have drawn me in yet again
That love of yours is incomparable
It is potent and magnetic
My heart whispers your name

Lost is the knowledge of anything but you
Gone are my fears and doubts
The frustration has subsided
The anger has faded away
Now, there is love

There is grace in your touch
Mercy in your arms
Hope in your smile
Peace in the way you nuzzle me to your chest
You are perfect

I want to be worthy of you
This will never happen
Still you love me
In this moment
I am overcome

Emotion pulls me
Baring my soul to you
Frightens me more than anything
But you are gentle as you hold me
I hear your breathing

Your heartbeat rings in my ears
Our hands entertwine
I watch your mouth turn into a smile
You kiss my forehead
Your hold on me tightens

This moment will last forever
You and I will never end
You have promised me so
My heart is full
My cup runneth over

As we stand still
Surrounded by peace
I have but one thought
I am my beloved’s
My beloved is mine

Obedience > Sacrifice

“I write to you, dear children, so that you will not sin…”
See, the gates were locked to Heaven, but He came to let us in.
With power from the Father, Jesus overcame the grave,
To let us share in victory, to end our time as slaves.
His life on Earth was blameless. He never went astray.
He lived as our example. He came to show us the way.

The world would have you think that we cannot escape,
That sin is just a part of us, and we’ll always be this way,
That Jesus gave His life and made our sins His own,
And we can keep on sinning and sinning and sinning…
And still spend eternity with Him before His throne.
Our adversary whispers that God will understand
Why we do the things we do, even as we disobey His commands.

But I am here to tell you, that the Word does disagree.
You see, Jesus calls for obedience, that we are holy, as is He.
If we claim to have fellowship with Him, yet we walk in the dark,
We lie and do not know the truth. We do not know His heart.
So this is how we can discern that we are indeed in Him,
We must walk as Jesus walked. We must be free from sin.

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A Call to Arms

We are drowning in a world that’s lost in itself.
We get stuck in this rut that is the daily grind until we’ve got nothing left
But energy drinks and pills to keep us running,
And still we’re always on empty,
Trying to coast on the fumes because we’re down to our last penny.
We keep striving and driving trying to catch that almighty dollar
All the while ignoring what the Almighty says He’s got to offer.
We abandon peace for possessions, sending us into faith recession
That ultimately only ends in confession, because we lack perfection.

Fast forward. We’re spinning our tires in the same old, same old.
Day in and day out. Going to school like we’re told.
Getting a job, like we’re told.
Buying all the pretty things like we’re told. Conforming…like we’re told.
One day we wake up and realize that we blend in,
That we’re replaying our days over and over and it’s a circle without an end.

We find ourselves asking…why am I here? What’s this life about?
This old routine
Is wasting our time. We’re not moving. We’re stuck.
We’ve lost sight of our dreams.
And then, as if by divine revelation
We remember a word once given to the congregation.
“I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD.
“They’re prosperous and filled with hope, so you can look forward
To a future of abundance if you’ll just answer my call.
I know you don’t have much to give, but give Me your all
And I’ll take it and twist it and turn it into wonders anew.
I’ll take your old life and burn it cause I love you.
You’re not who you once were. You’re My beloved. You’re Mine.
I bought you and cleaned you up and I made you divine.
So put on your crown, love. Rise up to your purpose.
I gave all I had cause to Me you were always worth it.”

With tears in our eyes, and our wonder renewed,
We wait for God to give us instructions for what we must do.
He hands us this armor and we ask what it’s for.
He says to suit up, cause we’re going to war,
And instantly fear grips our hearts and our souls.
Fight? But, God… I’m afraid! I don’t know
How to fight or what to do or what to say.
He says, “Don’t you fear. I’ll be right here every step of the way.
This war is not one you’ll fight in the flesh,
But in the spirit, and trust Me. My army’s the best.
It’s already been won, but our enemy’s hard headed.
He doesn’t yet realize he’s already been bested.
See it was over the moment I took all your sin.
And I overcame Hell. There was no way he’d ever win.
But until I come to pick you up and carry you home
I need you to fight so that your brothers and sisters will know
They’re not alone.
So every day before your feet hit the floor,
Put on all your armor, ready to fight as you walk out the door.
Carry My banner to the places you go.
Wear My love in your heart so that everyone you meet will know
Who I am and what I’m about so that they can come home too.
When I conquered the grave it wasn’t only for you
But for every single person who’d call out My name
And ask Me to take all their suffering and their shame.
But how will they make it home if they never hear
The word I’ve put on your lips to take to their ears?
Suit up, soldier. Take your rightful place
Among the heavenly armies and the angelic ranks.
I will give you all that you need in My Word.
Sharpen it daily, for it is your sword.”

Brothers and sisters, we are called to a purpose.
We are destined for glory, even though we don’t deserve it.
God’s grace covered us in our darkest of times
So that we could carry His love to the hopeless and the blind.
So put on your armor and take up your cross.
We have to get out there and start reclaiming the lost.

This isn’t the end. It’s the beginning of our story.
Forever we’ll praise Him. To God be all glory.

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