Decisions

the pounding in my head
ringing so loudly
in time with the war drums
i cannot move

i am still on the fence
will i waiver or stand up
i don’t yet know
but you are on my mind

i don’t want to disappoint you
yet i feel the need
to answer this call
to just give in

it would be so much easier
to take you out of the equation
getting what i want
for right now

in the moment i almost succumb
i close my eyes
nearly intending to follow through
on the exhale

as my vision goes dark
i see you watching me
waiting to see what i will do
i see hope in your eyes

i hear the wanting call my name
even as you stare at me
you look captivated
and i wonder how i could need anything more

still i hear the relentless cries
i feel the need gripping me
but you still stare at me
perfectly peaceful

as i look to you for an answer
you smile at me
and you hold out your hand
i know that i could never walk away

i consider it insanity
that i could ever dream of needing
more than you would give to me
or seek fulfillment elsewhere

i know now that the cries i heard
were lies whispered in my ear
you heard them too
but you let me choose

you constantly show me
what love looks like
in the way you give to me
choices, mercy, grace, and love

you have won my heart
i know that i am yours
i see the relief on your face
that i have chosen you once again

you never faltered
you have always chosen me
i don’t deserve you
yet you are mine

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