echo

puddles

sometimes i can’t help but think
with clarity and absolution
that i was meant to die alone

the stabbing pain grips my chest
at the most inopportune moments
and i choke as my mouth goes dry

in this moment i am certain
that i have run out of tears
and so i sob silently with no evidence

until standing beneath the faucet
the hot water blends with the stream on my cheek
and i feel nothing

there is no knock on the door
no call or text or letter or message
to let me know that i am wrong

i am reminded by the silence
that my private tears are as unnoticed
as the mask i wear in the daylight

 

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purpose

mountain

for years and years she’d called the valley home
unsure of what to do with her instinctive urge to roam
so she’d rise and dance the day through with the sun
never quite could shake the feeling that someday she’d need to run
so one day she sighed and packed her life away
and said goodbye to all she loved cause she knew she couldn’t stay
she felt the stirring strong inside her gypsy soul
she craved to feel alive and free and whole
her wings spread out and flew her to the west
with an aching heart beating faster and faster in her chest
she wondered if she’d ever find the pieces of herself
or if she’d flown too far, or if she never should have left

but when she topped the mountain
at where her wings had brought her to
she cried and looked around her
she knew her purpose now had found her
the wind tangled in her brown hair as it blew
and she whispered to herself what she already knew
she’d lived her whole life waiting for this view

lost at sea

sailboatwoman

she let the walls come tumbling down
at the coaxing of his smile
and opened up her heart to hope
with love laughing all the while
such a foolish thing to think
the day would ever come
that a man would ever ground her feet
when she was always born to run

so she packed her dreams and set her sails
as the new wind howled her name
and she headed out on the ocean tide
in the direction from which it came
and though the waves would rock her boat
with strong and violent force
she made a vow to herself
that she would never again lose the course

letting go

goodbye

it’s not fair
the way you smile
and casually walk by me
as though you aren’t about to break my heart
into a million tiny pieces

i feel the breath rush out of me
and my lungs collapse in my chest
as the tears well up in my eyes
i hear the loudest silence
and i choke on it

i was never good at this
despite all of my practice
i always held on too tightly
afraid to let go
knowing the pain would come

in my mind it makes perfect sense
but my heart can’t understand
and i feel myself tremble
in the moments when i have to process
that the time has come

relativity sinks in
as i see our time in only a moment
and i beg the clock to stand still
just this once for me
but i know it will not

the heat in my brain turns to pain
and the pressure in my head
screams at me to calm my breathing
to just be still
to let this be

but there you are
smiling as if my world doesn’t feel
like it’s about to end
as if i’m not standing here
falling apart in front of you

i feel like a child
hearing my own voice whisper
please don’t go
as if there was anything i could say
to change your mind

your eyes are soft and knowing
and your hand on mine
makes promises that this is not goodbye
so i tell myself that it’s true
and there are more chapters to be written

i close my eyes
and i breathe you in
grateful for the moments we’ve collected
hoping there will be more
praying that this is not the end

I Envy the Birds

feather

It’s time that my wings
Lift me off the ground
These chains have gotten heavy
And I’m so tired of being bound
You know I’d love to stay
But the wind calls me away
Oh, I swear, someday
I’ll make it back around

I need to fly
To feel my wings against the sky
To race the wind
Until I feel free again
It’s gonna hurt, the tears will burn
But I need to live, to learn
I’m breathing but I need to feel alive
I need to fly

She Wanders Like the River Blue

IMG_2040-0.JPG

I’ve got a gypsy soul.
This nomad is gonna go
Where the river flows.
I’m a vagabond on a mission
To leave behind the pain
And all my yesterdays.
Breathing in the moment
Cause I might not get another,
And I don’t wanna miss out
On every ray of sunshine
On my shoulders
Or blade of bluegrass
Under my bare feet.
No, I can’t stay
Cause I wasn’t made
For growing roots.
I hope you know that
I’ll be loving you
Even as I leave.

my friend

covermaker.net - Timeline Cover
the road twists and turns
as this journey continues onward tirelessly
into infinite tomorrows
which quickly become discarded yesterdays
in this moment i have stopped
to pause and take a rest here with you
certain of purpose and promise
because i can see them in your eyes as you smile
you have changed me
you hold the mirror that shows me who i am
and you love me in spite of me
requiring of me my best and accepting in me my worst
i wonder as we laugh together
if you have any idea
that this season has forever changed me
and that i will never recover from you

i will love you always