sometimes i can’t help but think
with clarity and absolution
that i was meant to die alone

the stabbing pain grips my chest
at the most inopportune moments
and i choke as my mouth goes dry

in this moment i am certain
that i have run out of tears
and so i sob silently with no evidence

until standing beneath the faucet
the hot water blends with the stream on my cheek
and i feel nothing

there is no knock on the door
no call or text or letter or message
to let me know that i am wrong

i am reminded by the silence
that my private tears are as unnoticed
as the mask i wear in the daylight




for years and years she’d called the valley home
unsure of what to do with her instinctive urge to roam
so she’d rise and dance the day through with the sun
never quite could shake the feeling that someday she’d need to run
so one day she sighed and packed her life away
and said goodbye to all she loved cause she knew she couldn’t stay
she felt the stirring strong inside her gypsy soul
she craved to feel alive and free and whole
her wings spread out and flew her to the west
with an aching heart beating faster and faster in her chest
she wondered if she’d ever find the pieces of herself
or if she’d flown too far, or if she never should have left

but when she topped the mountain
at where her wings had brought her to
she cried and looked around her
she knew her purpose now had found her
the wind tangled in her brown hair as it blew
and she whispered to herself what she already knew
she’d lived her whole life waiting for this view

letting go


it’s not fair
the way you smile
and casually walk by me
as though you aren’t about to break my heart
into a million tiny pieces

i feel the breath rush out of me
and my lungs collapse in my chest
as the tears well up in my eyes
i hear the loudest silence
and i choke on it

i was never good at this
despite all of my practice
i always held on too tightly
afraid to let go
knowing the pain would come

in my mind it makes perfect sense
but my heart can’t understand
and i feel myself tremble
in the moments when i have to process
that the time has come

relativity sinks in
as i see our time in only a moment
and i beg the clock to stand still
just this once for me
but i know it will not

the heat in my brain turns to pain
and the pressure in my head
screams at me to calm my breathing
to just be still
to let this be

but there you are
smiling as if my world doesn’t feel
like it’s about to end
as if i’m not standing here
falling apart in front of you

i feel like a child
hearing my own voice whisper
please don’t go
as if there was anything i could say
to change your mind

your eyes are soft and knowing
and your hand on mine
makes promises that this is not goodbye
so i tell myself that it’s true
and there are more chapters to be written

i close my eyes
and i breathe you in
grateful for the moments we’ve collected
hoping there will be more
praying that this is not the end

it is here

in the dry time
i can do nothing
to quench my thirst
i cry out
knowing that you hear me
and i wait
certain that you will give
with perfect provision
to my every need
and i will be satisfied
when you deem it is due
i continue to walk
and as my feet grow heavy
with every step
and my breath grows haggard
with my strain
i keep my eyes on you
unquestionably you are there
lifting up my feet
and leading me to the next step
until i finally fall to my knees
before you
and with my sunburned face
and my ashen hands
will i open my tear rimmed eyes
to see the oasis
you have laid out before me
and your voice will whisper
in the chambers of my soul
that it is here
in you alone
that i find sustenance