The Wall

broken-heartBrick by brick, she built a wall
She made it thick and laid it tall
Inside she knew her heart would safely stay
Until a hero came along
And proved to her that he was strong
By tearing all of her brick wall away

One timely day, in came a knight
Armor clad on a horse of white
With battle scars that proved he knew of war
He stole a kiss and she was charmed
And in a breath she was disarmed
Unlike she’d ever found herself before

He told her tales of time long passed
And she considered that at last
She may have found her hero in this man
She let the wall come tumbling down
And as the bricks fell to the ground
She fell into his spell, as was his plan

He told her that he’d never leave
And that to her alone he’d cleave
That he was not like those she’d known before
She sighed and swooned and fell in love
So sure he was sent from above
More than she could ever ask God for

And when she’d given him her heart
And sworn that they would never part
He laughed unto himself and hissed her name
He told her of the other ones
Whom he had fixed his lusts upon
And she, the fool, knew that she was to blame

She knew full well her walls were meant
To keep her heart from every dent
But like a silly girl, she’d let them fall
She felt embarrassed and betrayed
Her spirit crushed, her mind dismayed
Hurt that she had ever loved at all

 

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she cried

crying
as she stood beneath the hot, steamy stream
her heart let out a silent scream
and her tears began to graze her cheek
where the water had already been
she told herself she’d be stronger today
she’d hold her head high and give nothing away
because she deserved better and would have it
though all that she really wanted was him

 

echo

puddles

sometimes i can’t help but think
with clarity and absolution
that i was meant to die alone

the stabbing pain grips my chest
at the most inopportune moments
and i choke as my mouth goes dry

in this moment i am certain
that i have run out of tears
and so i sob silently with no evidence

until standing beneath the faucet
the hot water blends with the stream on my cheek
and i feel nothing

there is no knock on the door
no call or text or letter or message
to let me know that i am wrong

i am reminded by the silence
that my private tears are as unnoticed
as the mask i wear in the daylight

 

letting go

goodbye

it’s not fair
the way you smile
and casually walk by me
as though you aren’t about to break my heart
into a million tiny pieces

i feel the breath rush out of me
and my lungs collapse in my chest
as the tears well up in my eyes
i hear the loudest silence
and i choke on it

i was never good at this
despite all of my practice
i always held on too tightly
afraid to let go
knowing the pain would come

in my mind it makes perfect sense
but my heart can’t understand
and i feel myself tremble
in the moments when i have to process
that the time has come

relativity sinks in
as i see our time in only a moment
and i beg the clock to stand still
just this once for me
but i know it will not

the heat in my brain turns to pain
and the pressure in my head
screams at me to calm my breathing
to just be still
to let this be

but there you are
smiling as if my world doesn’t feel
like it’s about to end
as if i’m not standing here
falling apart in front of you

i feel like a child
hearing my own voice whisper
please don’t go
as if there was anything i could say
to change your mind

your eyes are soft and knowing
and your hand on mine
makes promises that this is not goodbye
so i tell myself that it’s true
and there are more chapters to be written

i close my eyes
and i breathe you in
grateful for the moments we’ve collected
hoping there will be more
praying that this is not the end