letting go


it’s not fair
the way you smile
and casually walk by me
as though you aren’t about to break my heart
into a million tiny pieces

i feel the breath rush out of me
and my lungs collapse in my chest
as the tears well up in my eyes
i hear the loudest silence
and i choke on it

i was never good at this
despite all of my practice
i always held on too tightly
afraid to let go
knowing the pain would come

in my mind it makes perfect sense
but my heart can’t understand
and i feel myself tremble
in the moments when i have to process
that the time has come

relativity sinks in
as i see our time in only a moment
and i beg the clock to stand still
just this once for me
but i know it will not

the heat in my brain turns to pain
and the pressure in my head
screams at me to calm my breathing
to just be still
to let this be

but there you are
smiling as if my world doesn’t feel
like it’s about to end
as if i’m not standing here
falling apart in front of you

i feel like a child
hearing my own voice whisper
please don’t go
as if there was anything i could say
to change your mind

your eyes are soft and knowing
and your hand on mine
makes promises that this is not goodbye
so i tell myself that it’s true
and there are more chapters to be written

i close my eyes
and i breathe you in
grateful for the moments we’ve collected
hoping there will be more
praying that this is not the end